8.10.11

demolished.
crumpled and tossed in the corner.

i am a running faucet that eludes repair. yet the drip, drip, drip feels self-indulgent and ridiculous.

awash in sad and fear and empty and gratitude and helplessness

can't catch my breath

can't find my voice

can't hold on to the words i know are there

yea though i walk through the valley of the shadow of everything i feel alone. and i know i'm not. but as flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood i am alone in desperate love and longing and aching for my baby baby girl.

as something that isn't best for her i feel that nothing else holds much meaning. my imperative is blurred.

distracted
slobbery and wet
teeth grinding
incessantly
insides like jelly
eyes red
from tears and
exhaustion

overwhelming sentiments so clear in the bathtub amid sobs and candlelight now drift away like wisps from a blown-out candle